Touch

It's amazing how much touch accounts for in this family. It's the number one source of comfort and even more the number one source of joy, from tickles to kisses. And in some cases it's the number one cause of crying! Some senses I could go without but this is defiantly not one of them.

A Night Out

A rare night out sans kids. A quiet (very gross) dinner with some awesome friends, and an insanely loud concert. I am pretty sure I have become the equivalent  of an old woman. I rarely listen to loud music, loud for me is quiet enough you can still hear people and I have come to believe that when women sound like sailors they look ultra trashy. Where oh where have my youthful potty mouth days gone?! Bayside was amazing, and Taking Back Sunday while filthy (I mean literally) was almost as awesome.

365

The joy of bubbles by Robyn · 365 Project
I have finally found and joined a 365 days/photos project. Here's today's entry. I know boys aren't supposed to be beautiful but mine are!

Waking the beast!

Right after writing the last post I went upstairs for my nightly routine of giving my boys ridiculous amounts of kisses and holding the littlest while he is still small enough to hold. After several minutes of me holding him he woke up, and was instantly his happy little self. I love how when your child locks eyes with you (at least while they are young) there is the instant connection and you know your both enjoying the love and bond you share. I love feeling the weight of him in my arms, and the feel of his soft hands and he touches my face. You can't help but smile and laugh as he alternates between trying to jam his finger up your nose, and his attempts to get you to "bite" his fingers. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be a mother and have this ridiculous amount of love and joy in my life. 

Overcoming Fears

My pretty little NICU baby.

Do you have something you fear, something that eats away at you and sometimes becomes an obsession that threatens to overwhelm you.Nothing makes me sadder than the thought of loosing a child or my amazing husband. I am comforted to know that we are sealed for time and all eternity, but the thought of the rest of my life without part of my amazing family makes my heart physically ache. Lately I keep stumbling across blogs about loss and after a post or two the fear threatens to take over. The thought of a stillborn, or the death of a baby makes me not want to ever try for another one. But then I remember all that we have been promised. And while I know the pain would be overwhelming I have to remember that I have been on the threshold of such a fear becoming a reality. And in that moment that we thought we would loose our firstborn after only holding him for a minute and not having the chance to know him I can't forget the comfort we received knowing he was ours forever no matter the outcome. I am in awe of so many women who forage on after such pain, I pray every day that my strength is not tested. I need to focus more on enjoying the moment, letting the craziness and pure chaos that seems to follow my children slide and just enjoy their laughter, their love, and all the pure joy they bring to our lives. I think more than anything I need to focus on how good life is, and what kind of ways I want to spend my short time here on this beautiful earth.

House of Chaos

Today I noticed something I have never before noticed. I have been deceived. A certain short person led us to believe that he would be the easy child. He was always such a laid back baby, a go with the flow type of kid. But as he inches closer to one and a half he has become a master of destruction, a climber with no fear, and someone who is more whole and content when he is in my arms. Some of it I love, some of it I laugh at while shaking my head in disbelief that such things could occur to a child. And when worst comes to worse I allow the destruction and wait for daddy to get home. Today we decided to by-pass total house destruction for a few hours and go for a walk, feed the pigs rocks, (don't your children do that?) and eat the last of our tomatoes. When we returned they let the destruction hit a whole new level, and aforementioned short one decided to try and climb the stove while dinner cooked.

Letting the Love show.

I have noticed something about writing down my love for my children makes me more grateful for them. That said I am going to try to keep up with this better. What mother doesn't need a few minutes to reflect on all the love received and so easily given between mother and child. Moments good and bad need to be remembered, you never know how many more you will have and while I know that love reigns eternal and that this life isn't all we have together I want to cherish every moment I spend with those who own me heart and soul. As some of you know I consider myself a photographer (These days who doesn't ; ) ) and my main goal as said photographer is to focus more on lifestyle photography. While I may one day not be able to feel the weight of my baby on my chest, or the feel of their soft hands, their silky chubby bellies I want to have photo's of it all. When I look at a picture I feel what I felt in the moment. The love, the laughter, and sometimes the frustration of getting two crazy boys to stop moving to fast for a slow shutter speed and natural light! I want to remember this life, and especially the part where I have babies and little ones moment by moment. 

An oldie but goodie.

The Legacy of Lucas

Today I was looking through the participants for the newest installment of the Sling Diaries, while reading through Moments with Love I came across the story of Lucas and of course bawled my eyes out.  There is something about being a mother that changes you in a way nothing else can, it doesn't matter if you gave birth to the child or not being a mother gives you empathy and a level of caring that can be at times painful. Lucas was an orphan in Uganda, abandoned but lucky enough to find someone who loved him, she was to young to have him, to poor, and before she could find someone to take him, to love him, he was lost to her. It's a story that tears at your heart and makes you hold your children a little longer and a little closer. Initially I only thought of it from the side of the babies, how could someone do that to them? How could you abandon a child to world where they are only loved by care takers not family? It makes me want to have another child just to know that they will be sent somewhere they are loved, or adopt one that needs that love. But then I thought of their mothers. The poor women who believe that this is what's best for their child not because they don't love them but because they don't have the means to take care of them, they can't afford the food these babies need, or the basic items it takes to keep them clean and healthy. The thought of being that mother, the one who cannot take care of this baby they love broke my heart in a whole new way. My goal is to do all I can to find a way to help those who have so little, here is a site you can donate to, to give babies diapers for a month, a year, or any amount you can. Think of how you would feel as one of these mothers or caretakers, hold you baby a little closer, ignore the infuriating things they do, and give all you can!