New Year

There are only a few resolutions this year, life is good and there are so few things I would change about it. It's full of love, joy, peace, and just pure bliss in all the little moments. Our house is coming along much slower than we would want but, we have such a nice warm happy place to wait it out and I am so thankful for all we have been blessed with. More than anything I want to focus on my family this year, they are always my main focus in life but this year I want to love even more (not sure how that can happen) cuddle longer and play more! I can't believe how blessed I am, I cannot wait for the year to come.

Touch

It's amazing how much touch accounts for in this family. It's the number one source of comfort and even more the number one source of joy, from tickles to kisses. And in some cases it's the number one cause of crying! Some senses I could go without but this is defiantly not one of them.

A Night Out

A rare night out sans kids. A quiet (very gross) dinner with some awesome friends, and an insanely loud concert. I am pretty sure I have become the equivalent  of an old woman. I rarely listen to loud music, loud for me is quiet enough you can still hear people and I have come to believe that when women sound like sailors they look ultra trashy. Where oh where have my youthful potty mouth days gone?! Bayside was amazing, and Taking Back Sunday while filthy (I mean literally) was almost as awesome.

365

The joy of bubbles by Robyn · 365 Project
I have finally found and joined a 365 days/photos project. Here's today's entry. I know boys aren't supposed to be beautiful but mine are!

Waking the beast!

Right after writing the last post I went upstairs for my nightly routine of giving my boys ridiculous amounts of kisses and holding the littlest while he is still small enough to hold. After several minutes of me holding him he woke up, and was instantly his happy little self. I love how when your child locks eyes with you (at least while they are young) there is the instant connection and you know your both enjoying the love and bond you share. I love feeling the weight of him in my arms, and the feel of his soft hands and he touches my face. You can't help but smile and laugh as he alternates between trying to jam his finger up your nose, and his attempts to get you to "bite" his fingers. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be a mother and have this ridiculous amount of love and joy in my life. 

Overcoming Fears

My pretty little NICU baby.

Do you have something you fear, something that eats away at you and sometimes becomes an obsession that threatens to overwhelm you.Nothing makes me sadder than the thought of loosing a child or my amazing husband. I am comforted to know that we are sealed for time and all eternity, but the thought of the rest of my life without part of my amazing family makes my heart physically ache. Lately I keep stumbling across blogs about loss and after a post or two the fear threatens to take over. The thought of a stillborn, or the death of a baby makes me not want to ever try for another one. But then I remember all that we have been promised. And while I know the pain would be overwhelming I have to remember that I have been on the threshold of such a fear becoming a reality. And in that moment that we thought we would loose our firstborn after only holding him for a minute and not having the chance to know him I can't forget the comfort we received knowing he was ours forever no matter the outcome. I am in awe of so many women who forage on after such pain, I pray every day that my strength is not tested. I need to focus more on enjoying the moment, letting the craziness and pure chaos that seems to follow my children slide and just enjoy their laughter, their love, and all the pure joy they bring to our lives. I think more than anything I need to focus on how good life is, and what kind of ways I want to spend my short time here on this beautiful earth.

House of Chaos

Today I noticed something I have never before noticed. I have been deceived. A certain short person led us to believe that he would be the easy child. He was always such a laid back baby, a go with the flow type of kid. But as he inches closer to one and a half he has become a master of destruction, a climber with no fear, and someone who is more whole and content when he is in my arms. Some of it I love, some of it I laugh at while shaking my head in disbelief that such things could occur to a child. And when worst comes to worse I allow the destruction and wait for daddy to get home. Today we decided to by-pass total house destruction for a few hours and go for a walk, feed the pigs rocks, (don't your children do that?) and eat the last of our tomatoes. When we returned they let the destruction hit a whole new level, and aforementioned short one decided to try and climb the stove while dinner cooked.