New Year

There are only a few resolutions this year, life is good and there are so few things I would change about it. It's full of love, joy, peace, and just pure bliss in all the little moments. Our house is coming along much slower than we would want but, we have such a nice warm happy place to wait it out and I am so thankful for all we have been blessed with. More than anything I want to focus on my family this year, they are always my main focus in life but this year I want to love even more (not sure how that can happen) cuddle longer and play more! I can't believe how blessed I am, I cannot wait for the year to come.

Touch

It's amazing how much touch accounts for in this family. It's the number one source of comfort and even more the number one source of joy, from tickles to kisses. And in some cases it's the number one cause of crying! Some senses I could go without but this is defiantly not one of them.

A Night Out

A rare night out sans kids. A quiet (very gross) dinner with some awesome friends, and an insanely loud concert. I am pretty sure I have become the equivalent  of an old woman. I rarely listen to loud music, loud for me is quiet enough you can still hear people and I have come to believe that when women sound like sailors they look ultra trashy. Where oh where have my youthful potty mouth days gone?! Bayside was amazing, and Taking Back Sunday while filthy (I mean literally) was almost as awesome.

365

The joy of bubbles by Robyn · 365 Project
I have finally found and joined a 365 days/photos project. Here's today's entry. I know boys aren't supposed to be beautiful but mine are!

Waking the beast!

Right after writing the last post I went upstairs for my nightly routine of giving my boys ridiculous amounts of kisses and holding the littlest while he is still small enough to hold. After several minutes of me holding him he woke up, and was instantly his happy little self. I love how when your child locks eyes with you (at least while they are young) there is the instant connection and you know your both enjoying the love and bond you share. I love feeling the weight of him in my arms, and the feel of his soft hands and he touches my face. You can't help but smile and laugh as he alternates between trying to jam his finger up your nose, and his attempts to get you to "bite" his fingers. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be a mother and have this ridiculous amount of love and joy in my life. 

Overcoming Fears

My pretty little NICU baby.

Do you have something you fear, something that eats away at you and sometimes becomes an obsession that threatens to overwhelm you.Nothing makes me sadder than the thought of loosing a child or my amazing husband. I am comforted to know that we are sealed for time and all eternity, but the thought of the rest of my life without part of my amazing family makes my heart physically ache. Lately I keep stumbling across blogs about loss and after a post or two the fear threatens to take over. The thought of a stillborn, or the death of a baby makes me not want to ever try for another one. But then I remember all that we have been promised. And while I know the pain would be overwhelming I have to remember that I have been on the threshold of such a fear becoming a reality. And in that moment that we thought we would loose our firstborn after only holding him for a minute and not having the chance to know him I can't forget the comfort we received knowing he was ours forever no matter the outcome. I am in awe of so many women who forage on after such pain, I pray every day that my strength is not tested. I need to focus more on enjoying the moment, letting the craziness and pure chaos that seems to follow my children slide and just enjoy their laughter, their love, and all the pure joy they bring to our lives. I think more than anything I need to focus on how good life is, and what kind of ways I want to spend my short time here on this beautiful earth.

House of Chaos

Today I noticed something I have never before noticed. I have been deceived. A certain short person led us to believe that he would be the easy child. He was always such a laid back baby, a go with the flow type of kid. But as he inches closer to one and a half he has become a master of destruction, a climber with no fear, and someone who is more whole and content when he is in my arms. Some of it I love, some of it I laugh at while shaking my head in disbelief that such things could occur to a child. And when worst comes to worse I allow the destruction and wait for daddy to get home. Today we decided to by-pass total house destruction for a few hours and go for a walk, feed the pigs rocks, (don't your children do that?) and eat the last of our tomatoes. When we returned they let the destruction hit a whole new level, and aforementioned short one decided to try and climb the stove while dinner cooked.

Letting the Love show.

I have noticed something about writing down my love for my children makes me more grateful for them. That said I am going to try to keep up with this better. What mother doesn't need a few minutes to reflect on all the love received and so easily given between mother and child. Moments good and bad need to be remembered, you never know how many more you will have and while I know that love reigns eternal and that this life isn't all we have together I want to cherish every moment I spend with those who own me heart and soul. As some of you know I consider myself a photographer (These days who doesn't ; ) ) and my main goal as said photographer is to focus more on lifestyle photography. While I may one day not be able to feel the weight of my baby on my chest, or the feel of their soft hands, their silky chubby bellies I want to have photo's of it all. When I look at a picture I feel what I felt in the moment. The love, the laughter, and sometimes the frustration of getting two crazy boys to stop moving to fast for a slow shutter speed and natural light! I want to remember this life, and especially the part where I have babies and little ones moment by moment. 

An oldie but goodie.

The Legacy of Lucas

Today I was looking through the participants for the newest installment of the Sling Diaries, while reading through Moments with Love I came across the story of Lucas and of course bawled my eyes out.  There is something about being a mother that changes you in a way nothing else can, it doesn't matter if you gave birth to the child or not being a mother gives you empathy and a level of caring that can be at times painful. Lucas was an orphan in Uganda, abandoned but lucky enough to find someone who loved him, she was to young to have him, to poor, and before she could find someone to take him, to love him, he was lost to her. It's a story that tears at your heart and makes you hold your children a little longer and a little closer. Initially I only thought of it from the side of the babies, how could someone do that to them? How could you abandon a child to world where they are only loved by care takers not family? It makes me want to have another child just to know that they will be sent somewhere they are loved, or adopt one that needs that love. But then I thought of their mothers. The poor women who believe that this is what's best for their child not because they don't love them but because they don't have the means to take care of them, they can't afford the food these babies need, or the basic items it takes to keep them clean and healthy. The thought of being that mother, the one who cannot take care of this baby they love broke my heart in a whole new way. My goal is to do all I can to find a way to help those who have so little, here is a site you can donate to, to give babies diapers for a month, a year, or any amount you can. Think of how you would feel as one of these mothers or caretakers, hold you baby a little closer, ignore the infuriating things they do, and give all you can!

Child Led Weaning

We're at the point where Little Little doesn't ask to nurse often maybe every other day or so, I generally offer once (lately twice has been a little more often than once) a day and he almost always wants to nurse when I offer. Last time around the end of nursing was a relief, no more being bitten, no more hiding away to feed the baby making myself feel much more isolated than necessary. This time I can't seem to want to let go of it, it seems like I'll be letting go of the most beautiful connection and allowing my baby to go from baby to toddler. If my milk/Little little would allow I am convinced we would at minimum hit the 18 month point (that point I swore to the hubs would be the end of the line) Now that the end is here however I find myself not wanting to let go. The offering twice a day feels more like a desperate attempt to keep it going as well as any excuse to get my little one to sit still and cuddle for more than a minute or two. Nursing has brought such a beautiful connection to my children and I am so glad that it came with such ease, it's a connection I am clinging to even though I know when its time for it to end it wont change our relationship. I love the stages the boys are at and plan to have our next one have the same age gap (3 years) because it gives me time to give to the little one while he is still little while his brother is at school. I fear though I will be consumed with fierce baby hunger once again once the nursing is gone. Reading this article filled me with preemptive dread about the end of nursing. I am sure that a slow child led wean however should not produce the same effect. In some ways I am excited to have my body back, to be able to take something for a cold, or a horrible head ache. I'm sure the the last nurse will be any day now, and it will be an excuse for some hilarious chick flick, like what to expect, or Baby Mama which will inevitably make me feel good about not being pregnant and just loving on my awesome children.

Fall crafting

Fall is finally here! And that means Halloween is just around the corner, in celebration of future celebrating we have decorated our whole house and every day the boys are working on new projects to celebrate Fall. Here are some awesome Halloween masks ($1.50, thank you Joann's craft!) that have held their attention for hours and hours, the Dracula teeth for some reason are hilarious to Big little and he asks about them or points them out every time he puts it on. One of the best things about this was Little little has finally mastered what it means to paint, and he hardly eats any of it anymore! 

Teaching in the Kitchen

A big part of Montessori that drew me to it was having a child who could do practical things in the home that so many kids aren't taught anymore, So since fall is finally here and my baking is in full swing the Big little man learned how to make bread from scratch yesterday (don't mind the dishes, all our baking was well worth the giant mess) His favorite part was dumping in the ingredients and then folding the dough over and over.

Here is our favorite bread recipe at the moment, we just add a bit of garlic salt to the top (it is added to almost EVERYTHING in our house) 

Ingredients

• 2 cups warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
• 2/3 cup white sugar
• 1 1/2 tablespoons active dry yeast
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 6 cups bread flour

Directions

1. In a large bowl, dissolve the sugar in warm water, and then stir in yeast. Allow to proof until yeast resembles a creamy foam.
2. Mix salt and oil into the yeast. Mix in flour one cup at a time. Knead dough on a lightly floured surface until smooth. Place in a well oiled bowl, and turn dough to coat. Cover with a damp cloth. Allow to rise until doubled in bulk, about 1 hour.
3. Punch dough down. Knead for a few minutes, and divide in half. Shape into loaves, and place into two well oiled 9x5 inch loaf pans. Allow to rise for 30 minutes, or until dough has risen 1 inch above pans.
4. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 30 minutes

The makings of an exchange

We still have things to gather before we send out our Cultural exchange packets but here are the makings of the craft goodies we are sending, wooden nutcrackers complete with paint and brushes, Pipe cleaners in the colors of the German flag, and some lovely trains for Window art. Of course no package for children is complete with out stickers! I still need to add a flag, post cards, pictures, and a lovely little story about a boys daily life in Germany!

Hot Wheels Painting

 This was a hit! We got out hot wheels, corks, bubble wands, and toy animals and saw what they could do. Not only did we paint on paper and bodies, we got the slide, and of course as finger paining always does it ends with foot painting (which usually causes one child or another to fall over) When all was said and done the boys had a great time, Little little ate A LOT of paint and we have some great track work for their walls. We got out paint here it's gluten free, non toxic, and has almost nothing in it that could cause allergies which is perfect for this house!

Mothering

It's funny how being a mother is never really what you thought it would be. I never thought I could be this tired (All the time) or that I could get over the gag to the point of vomiting urge at the sight of throw up, among other things. I also never thought I could love this deeply so instantly, or have so much joy at something as simple as a smile, or a little person whispering how much they love you. As I type this I have a one year old destroying the house and completely full of joy, and an almost four year old having a lovely water activity in the sink (aka my house will soon be soaked!) It's amazing the difference there is between life in my house with two boys and life growing up in a house full of five girls. You never realize how glorious destruction can be until you have a son. The other day while I was willing away the time I read a few quotes that made me realize how important everything children do really is. It's amazing to think something as simple as playing with a toy is developing your child both physically and mentally.

"Respect all reasonable forms of activity in which the child engages in and try to understand them." -Maria Montessori


"Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But, for children, play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood." Fred Rogers


Sometimes I feel like I need a wall of things like this, constant reminders to let things go and let my children be what they need in that moment. However if I had a whole wall of all the things I should be doing as a mother I fear I would spend the majority of my time reading it and worrying about it instead of parenting in a natural way that flows for us all.

Language Activity (1yr)

A Language Activity With Feeding Objects (1yr)

Indirect Aim:	To be able to put activities away, motor and cognitive development
Direct Aim:	Develop skills for recognizing objects
Materials:	Three items used at feeding time (spoon, cup, bowl, plate, fork), a small basket, a tray

This activity was easy enough to set up, using three items per sitting you present the child (this is for 12 months) tell them what it is allow them to explore it and then ask them to put it in the basket. After each object has been explained and placed in the basket you ask for specifics. When they give you the wrong thing you explain what they have and ask again for your first object. We have been giving little little a small glass cup to drink out for the last few months but, I will admit I still cringe when he thinks it needs to go for a walk, and the fact that he loves to throw things at the dinner table doesn't help the cringe factor much either!

Hand Transfer

This activity teaching children how to control items from one object to the next, in our case it also taught someone how dumping out the bowl onto the tray made some lovely rain sounds! It got a good five minutes of use. I love these activities that cost nothing and teach coordination and control!
 I have done a few activities with the little one, (coin box, cylinder and box, and we are working on multiple shape puzzles) I have a few activities set up for each boy on shelves they can reach and both work on them often (I'd like a bit more) for now the main thing we are in desperate need of working on is cleaning up and putting things back where they go! The little has started "cleaning" things up and while the proves might be two blocks in and one block out at the moment we are making progress!

Children of the World

It's been a long time since I posted. Life has been full of family, camping, swimming and more sickness than any summer deserves. The more I get into Montessori, and getting ready for Big little to start attending Montessori preschool this summer, the more I love it. For me one of the biggest things in it is teaching children to be more than just a child of their environment, their community, or their country, Montessori believes in helping children become children of the world. Both of our boys have been to more countries than everyone in our families (save my father) but both are/were so little I don't know how much they will remember (little little if any). In order to help them become children of the world I have been on a campaign to bring awareness to them as much as possible about cultures of the world. We are anxiously awaiting Little Passports, we signed up for the Jettsetters package which will send us;

• A letter from Sam and Sofia describing their in-country adventures
• Fun and unique souvenirs and gifts that bring each country to life
• A secret code to access our online Boarding Zone full of games & activities

After exploring each package I plan on finding a special dish from the country and having them help cook it, searching for video's on Youtube, and doing all that we can to connect with how life there differs from ours.
We FINALLY (Weeks seems like a long time for those of us who have no patience) Got a group for Chasing Cheerios Cultural Exchange, which we are more excited about that even our Little Passport. In our group we have Guatemala/USA, Australia, and Canada. We will get letters from kids telling us about their lives, activities, pictures, recipes and more. We are standing in for Germany for this one and I cannot wait to get the packages together to send out. (I will post them as soon as they're ready!)  After joining Chasing Cheerios I decided this is something I want to do as often as possible and found This website , the wait should be about a month before we are assigned a group but it will be well worth it. First we are planning on the world exchange and next time around we are going to do Stateside.
The thing I am most excited about in all of this is having the boys (really only Big little at this point) feel a connection between himself and the world. He has such a deep connection to Germany, and I want him to realize how much good there is in a world so full of evil and disappointment and to know that no matter how different you are from someone you are so much the same.

Grateful

There are days when Big Little and I butt heads, enormously. I feel like my patience with him is too little, always too little. He is so much like me that some days it's hard for either of us. Yet he (like me) has a sweet side. He is loving and kind and he cuddles his mama every chance he can. Reading about the loss of a child on Pack of Fixations makes me bawl every time without fail. And it makes me realize just how lucky I am to have those moments whether good or bad with my beautiful boys. Those days where you are puked on seemingly endlessly (like Sunday) and those days where your kids won't listen to a word you say they just push the boundaries again and again. I love every moment, sometimes the days are long and I just can't wait for bed time but soon after it hits I find myself going up to kiss my non-sleeping still playing rather loudly boys. And again once they are asleep, and again before I go to bed. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and go upstairs just to look at them and give them a snuggle. I would rather face any struggle God can give me than to loose my boys, I love them so much everything I could have thrown at me would be worth it. My number one thing I have been working on is patience. I think that more than anything will give me the results I want not only with my boys but with our lives as a whole. Besides being a wife to my wonderful hubby nothing can compare to being those boys mama. I hope we have a few more in store for us one day.

Christmas

I know it may be ridiculous but starting late on Christmas day I start missing Christmas, and I miss it day in and day out until Thanksgiving when the whole beautiful season starts again. I wouldn't add another Christmas because once a year is part of what makes it special, but I bask in every moment of the Christmas spirit that I can. This year I am already missing German Christmas Markets. Germans do Christmas right, better than anyone I have so far seen. The smell is second to none, even Keukenhof gardens in Holland (if heaven doesn't smell like that place I WILL be disappointed) cannot top the smell of a German Christmas market. The food, the tree's everything about the atmosphere is perfect. From the little shops set up in wooden booths to the different versions of nativities (Bitburg's live animals top all no matter how creepy the mane quins are) I could spend every day of the Christmas season wandering through the markets listening to the live bands, and drinking the cider and shopping, ahh endless shopping for beautiful hand made goods.

Doesn't this look like Christmas heaven?